1. |
Level Up
02:07
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we’ve leveled up, you’ve leveled out
thanks for playing and good game
untimely mulligan, you won’t discourage me this time
I won’t give up
before you tally up the score
we’ve only just begun
and there’s no secret code to justify where we draw the line
between a sense of understanding and empathy
a glitch in the plot line,
where the climax ought to go
there was only more exposition
you can do anything
you can do anything
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2. |
Julius the Corgi
02:31
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whose stumpy legs strut down St. Stephen
an aimless floofy angel sent from heaven
or covert fruit from Eden’s Garden
is it a message, that the universe comes crashing down
every time that that little dog comes around?
or is it perspective, that the only way to feel pleasure’s to chase it with pain
but without pleasure in punishment, what is to gain?
when Julius looks up, time seems to just stop
at 1 foot tall how could you see he’s really Cerberus
sent to unleash all hell upon us
when I look you in the eye
in fear I ask, “why?”
pulling your ears back, you smile
if it’s a message, that the universe comes crashing down
every time that little corgi comes around
I see it’s perspective, that the only way to feel pleasure’s to chase it with pain
and without pleasure in punishment, then what is to gain
if it’s a lesson, that in pleasure the universe only serves to betray
for a corgi’s face, I’ll gladly learn that lesson again
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3. |
math rock sux
02:45
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what’s with all that racket;
I can’t understand a single thing you’re playing
don’t you know no one can dance to this
when I go to a show,
I shouldn’t need a calculator to know what’s happening
where does all this flashy nonsense come from?
a bunch of boys who could never just write a good song
math rock sucks, and you’ll never make it playing songs that just don’t feel right and don’t even sound good
math rock bands all sound the same; you’ll never make any money playing equations on guitars
math rock sucks, and you’ll never make it playing songs that just don’t feel right and don’t even sound good
math rock bands all sound the same; you’ll never make any money playing equations on guitars
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4. |
Spin2win
01:58
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I keep finding new ways to make the same mistakes
again and again and again and again and again and again
I keep finding new ways to write the same chords in every song
again and again and again and again
a poetry stuck in your old vocabulary
biding your time just to unlearn the muscle memory
I want to write a new song
that no one’s ever heard before
but I can hardly find the words I’d sing
and if it’s the only way that I could ever win
I guess I’ll keep on spinning
and if it’s the only way that I could ever win
a poetry formed in a game reactionary
spinning to win as if it’s voluntary
I want to write a new song that no one’s ever heard before
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5. |
Stella by Sunlight
03:37
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the song a siren sings
through years until you’ll see the spring
the murmurings of birds call for your demise
faint blue glow through your window foils your disguise
that terrifying theme
that’s stella by sunlight
still just a dream
my heart and i disagree
she’s everything in this world but me
that’s stella
by sunlight
that horrifying theme
that’s stella by sunlight
still just a dream
my heart and i disagree
she’s everything
she’s everything in the world but me
I’ll be stella by sunlight
forget my old name
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6. |
I Can Be Your Princess
03:35
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no matter how tightly tied
we’ll never know how the shoes themselves untied,
how the coin flip landed on its side every time
in spring, a sleep’s a sleep that knows no dawn,
but this sheep’s a sheep that knows no lawn, and so on
everything you wanted is locked away in another castle
never needed to be saved
so come on drag me like you mean it
cause I can be your princess
to tread a softer step, to speak a softer tone
to lay a gentler touch, to learn to love alone
that when my heart grows quiet, amid the pulsing noise
you’ll have already forgotten the timbre of my voice
don’t kiss me; I’m not sleeping
drop dead, drag me like you mean it
playing victim still to blow it while I’m making pinkie promises
with fingers crossed behind my back
if not for everything repressed, I’d be so much better dressed
everything you wanted is locked away in another castle
never needing to be saved
so come on drag me like you mean it
cause I can be your princess
everything you wanted is locked away in another castle
never needing to be saved
so come on drag me like you mean it
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7. |
In Another Castle
02:49
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you will be okay cause you are valid and loved
you will be okay
sorry, your princess is in another castle
she will be okay
she can fight her own way out
my body is a temple whose outer walls are crumbling and cursed,
haunted by an infrastructure bound by recourse
if you’re looking for a sign to keep on going, this is it.
the shape of your face and the style of your dress,
the pitch of your voice, despite how bad it gets.
doesn’t make you any less real
you will be okay because you are valid and loved
you will be okay
my body is a temple whose walls are crumbling
and cursed,
haunted by an infrastructure bound by recourse
if you’re looking for a sign to keep on going, this is it.
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8. |
Goth Girl Beauty School
03:21
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I’m breaking up with you
forget everything we’ve been through
it’s over; you lose.
lost your name, forgot your face
all records erased
finally found the answer
to all the indeterminate
forces now euphoric
goth girl beauty school is calling me
finally found the questions
wish I could have asked a thousand
times ago, but it can’t be that simple, can it?
no
falling in love with me
for the first time
without suspending my disbelief
call my real name to my face for the first time
just like always, like you used to
bent into new shapes
choreographed in secrecy
do you like what you see?
finally found the answer
to all the indeterminate
forces now euphoric
goth girl beauty school is calling me
finally found the questions
wish i could have asked a thousand
times ago, but it can’t be that simple, can it?
finally on my own terms
a reason to live, to take it back now
goth girl beauty school is waiting for me
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9. |
The Birds and The Birds
04:47
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make my bed as if to know the mattress
will forget all it has learned
shed my skin and leave my body
light it just to watch it burn
crawled for miles on an empty stomach just to
spill my guts out on the floor
foreign body language lost in translation
could you ask for more
more to life than physical attachment
reaching for arms you hope reach back
poison on the surface stings the heart
numb to all but what it lacks
one day i will trust my body
maybe one day i will call it home
to never find a home in anything is
to find home in longing
that home is burning
you’re trapped inside but you’re just watching
Hell is a body
growing in spite of itself
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10. |
boymoding
02:21
|
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|
Will I know when I can pass or
Will it bite me in the ass once you
Hear my voice?
If I could find the energy,
As heat from fire, so fire from heat must burn it up
Get good, I’ll never get better
Softlocked in boy mode forever
Turn me off and on another time
Oh I’m a thousand miles away
I’m a thousand miles from where I ought to be
Oh it’s just a couple years away,
Always another year from growing into my name
“Hey man, mister, sir you guys”
Defaults to secondhand disguise, oh no
Here it comes again
My forbidden sleight of hand
Do you wanna see me make a man disappear?
Got good, I’ve never been better
I’ll quit boymoding forever
If you’ll see me on the other side
Oh it’s a couple miles away,
Just a couple miles from where I oughta be
Oh it’s just a couple hours away
Just a couple hours waiting on a plane
Oh it’s just a couple thoughts away,
A couple messages from packing my things and going
Oh it’s just a couple words away
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11. |
Steal Her Look
03:20
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I’ve been hiding, and I’ve been keeping secrets
from flower petals lost among the weeds
in daydreams, I see another me
someday I’ll break the reverie
and steal her look
soften my geometry
train timbres in my speech
beyond androgyny
to change my name and paint my face
in pastels to erase
a dysmorphic embrace
dissect myself and reassemble the real me
in lucid dreams I find a memory of a lust for waking life
forged in fabrics threaded delicate
how gently they’ll unfurl
the abstract floral patterns dreamed in seeds buried in parking lots
could never blossom through the concrete
if rapid eyes can take me back where I’m the prism bending light
before the colors all began to fade,
I’ll close my eyes and pray
the blue light never takes me back to the waking life that I’ve betrayed
to cast a dream I’ll never wake from
never wake up, wake up
I’m done hiding, and I’m through keeping secrets
of flower petals found among the weeds
in daydreams, I’ll meet another me
breaking up with the reverie
to steal her look
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12. |
Breaking Character
04:04
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Act 1, Scene 1
exit stage left
throw out the script and the props and the prose
you’re always propped up on
make it up this time
make me believe this is all you’ve ever wanted
once more, with feeling
how could you?
after all that we’ve been through
stabbed in the back
by another you
curtain closed
when the makeup comes off, the lights go down, is it
all for show
or does the role follow you home?
break character for once as a treat when you’re
all alone
do you monologue to an empty room in
euphoric tones
a soliloquy in a gay daydream
if we break character, will we find ourselves broken too?
Act 1, Scene 2
lighted empty stage
find your motivation in its own untimely end
plan it out this time
make me believe
I’m on your side
dreamt a dream tonight
(and so did I) (well what was yours)
that dreamers often lie
make it home
when the lights are on, don’t you know that you’re
not alone
do you let your guard down
curtain closed
when the makeup comes off, the lights go down, is it
all for show
or does the role follow you home?
break character for once as a treat when you’re
all alone
do you monologue to an empty room in
euphoric tones
a soliloquy in a gay daydream
if we break character, will we find ourselves broken too?
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||||
13. |
Game Over
03:24
|
|||
|
lost in the endgame
with so many pieces left to take
couldn’t you tell, they’re always waiting for you to make a mistake
to rather have loved and lost than have never lost at all
no salt
good game, well played
I’ll get you next time
for all we’ve learned,
every time we’ll somehow find
new creative ways to lose
for all we’ve lost,
we’ll still run it back again
if you played your best,
then why does the ending feel so empty
a meta defined by impermanent lines you’ll grind out infinitely
there’s so much more of this game to be played
run it back
for all we’ve learned,
every game we’ll somehow find
new creative ways to lose
for all we’ve lost,
we’ll still run it back again
for all we’ve learned,
every game we’ll somehow find
new creative ways to lose
for all we’ve lost,
run it back
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||||
14. |
||||
|
perhaps it wasn’t imbalance
in chemistry, but in hormones all along
we tried new things, and we tried new foods
our taste buds, despite being so acute,
never paid attention
your new mirror mantra still not much use
keep telling yourself, “it’s not me; it’s you”
transition to you
today this body has failed me; where once stood a temple, now a burning building
for once this time it’s not in my head; it’s a symptom of all the things I had repressed
and one day this body will heal me,
get good, and become the girl in the daydream,
if only you’ll
daydream with me
beyond fantasy
if I’m lost in a daydream, darling don’t wake me, just know that i’ll be okay
if you daydream with me
daydream of me
|
||||
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